three observations about losing weight

There are three observations I would like to give you in terms of weight loss if I may.

Over the course of the past four months i have been trying to shed a few pounds in an effort to take some control of my health and raise a bit of money for charity in the process. I just about managed to squeeze past my target of 20kg and it was an amazing feeling.

It has to be said, however, that I did become somewhat addicted to the supportive/flattering comments I received from those around me. I'm worried how I'll deal with the inevitable slowing down of these bite-sized ego boosts over time. I must find something to fill the void - suggestions welcome.

My new found vanity expresses itself in many forms: I definitely spend more time looking in mirrors; I walk with a straighter back, simply because my chin looks better that way; I tuck my shirts into my jeans - just to show I can.

It would be trite and overegging to describe the past few months as life-changing - but personality changing they have definitely been if nothing else. And actually not all good changes. I am certainly proud of achieving my targets - the fact that it was such a struggle makes the pride all the sweeter; I am certainly more positive about my self image and indeed my health; but, sometimes when I catch myself studying my reflection in a shop window, I pull up short and wonder what on earth was it all about.

In my mind I am 100 times more attractive, but I am certainly no looker even now. In my mind I am 100 times healthier, but my published ideal weight is still a good 20kgs further south. In my mind I am 100 times fitter, but I still struggle to run more than a mile.
I have a long way to go yet and, if anything, these next targets will be tougher than the last. I want to succeed. I want to be able to buy fashionable jeans rather than any that happen to fit me. But I don't want to feed that ego any more than it needs fed.

So, before I forget what I'm doing, my three observations:
1) Targets are always easier to achieve when they've been set by someone who knows you better than you know yourself. They are also easier to hit when you keep your eyes open.
2) Water costs nothing, is sugar free, and if you drink enough of it you start to like it. On the other hand coke is actually ridiculously expensive, has more sugar than Jamaica, and (much to my amazement) when you return to drinking it after a break of four months it tastes utterly repulsive.
3) Encouragement is important - but fawning flattery is destructive. Learn to listen to compliments with a discerning ear.

Having said that, don't stop with the flattery. I'd miss it.

not in my name

The death of Ronan Kerr, a year 25 year old man from County Tyrone, rocked Northern Ireland on Saturday. When a bomb exploded under his car in Omagh the news sent a shudder down the spine of the country that I haven’t experienced for a long time.

When I heard about it I was on a film set sixty miles away near Ballynahinch. During a break in filming I took out my phone to check the BBC website and saw the headline “Policeman killed in Omagh car bomb attack.” Immediately the words 'Omagh' and 'bomb' were enough to bring back awful memories; and then when I continued to read the story it shook me for a moment. I debated whether or not to tell the rest of the cast and crew there and then or wait until filming had ended for the day. It all seemed a bit raw and close to the bone.

It was something of a dreadful coincidence, you see, that around four o’clock – about the time the bomb went off under Constable Kerr’s car – I was playing the part of a policeman in the RUC during the troubles. I was surrounded by people who were, or had been, directly affected by the traumas imposed on the Police back then. One scene in particular involved me being filmed checking below my car for a bomb. To me it had been a little bit of screen business to carry out twelve times from four different angles – to the officers back then it was a routine that could be a matter of life and death.

Do we really want to return to such a time of paranoia and fear? Where lack of trust makes us suspicious of strangers? Could we really feel proud of a society where our police officers have to check below their cars before every journey – where they have to walk down streets in pairs – where they carry rifles and wear body armour if they leave the confines of police stations fortified by huge security walls and netting? Do we feel the need to return to a time where random searches and check points are needed?

I remember those times, and not with a nostalgic smile. The idea of returning to them – or anything like them – fills me with dread. However it seems some others (who may not even have been born at the time) don’t have those same memories. Perhaps they have built up some kind of idealistic, glamorised view of the past – minds filled with causes, and honour, and calls to arms. Surely if they had lived through it they’d know just how little honour there actually was back then.

This action and those responsible for it must be totally rejected. I am calling upon those involved to stop, and to stop now.

-Gerry Adams – Sinn Fein President

So it was with relief that I saw just how much outrage there was over Ronan’s murder – from all sides of the community. As politicians, public leaders, church leaders, sporting figures, journalists, celebrities, bloggers… everyone, united against the people who carried out the killing; as social networking sites lit up with messages of support and condolence for his grieving family; as GAA players and fans (not known in the past for their love of the police force in Northern Ireland) observed a minute of respectful silence for one of their own who also happened to be a police officer; as rival politicians united to speak out in support of the peace process… I allowed myself to feel a glimmer of hope that this young man’s death would not be in vain.

The people of the Bogside are angry this morning [about the graffiti], they have been angry since Saturday, just like the rest of the north. They do not deserve to be tarnished with this and the good name of PC Kerr does not deserve to be tarnished like this.

-Pat Ramsey SDLP MLA

If those who planned and carried out this young man’s death (and those ignorants who daubed the sickening graffiti lauding it in the Bogside area of Derry) realise that the rest of the population don’t see them as plucky little underdogs fighting against the malevolent colonial oppressors, but as a pariah, an evil, backward anomaly in a society that is trying to move forward. If they see that then I hope Ronan’s family can take comfort from the fact that, in his death, Ronan changed attitudes and helped lasting peace take a foothold in our troubled little province.

It is difficult to comprehend how a young man with the best interests of our community at heart, and who contributed so positively to our community, could be attacked in this way. His death demeans humanity and is detrimental to the development of a shared future based on mutual respect.

-GAA statement

Today we finished filming, and my time as a policeman came to an end. It’s a decent little movie – touching and quite thought provoking – but I doubt many, if any, of you will ever see it. And I doubt it will change society greatly. Today Constable Ronan Kerr was buried – I pray that his courage in life and in death will leave a much more important and lasting legacy. Actually, call me an optimistic fool but I have a feeling it just might.

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image is nothing - thirst is everything

In today’s society, young people care more about external appearance than inner character.

A year 12 class I’m covering have been set this as a discursive essay title. It’s not bad as titles go – plenty of material to work on. But if I’m honest, the whole experience has scarred me a little.

The discussion we had about the issue was extraordinarily enlightening, slightly depressing, and intensely terrifying. Kids today – these ones at least – are completely obsessed with image, to the extent that they don’t see the need, nor want of looking any deeper. Everything you need to know about someone can be gleaned without delving any further than dermatologically deep.

I explained to them that their attitude worried me – that, if personality and character didn’t count in the world, I was screwed. It got a laugh, but I was only half joking.

In a class of eighteen girls and two boys the criteria for dating was ‘hotness’ (fair enough), for friendship was 'attractiveness' (hmmm), for career success was 'presentation' (could be argued I suppose), for success in life – 'appearance' (oh dear.)

I found it sad that the popular set were putting their successes down to their looks; and sadder that the rest put their status down to lack of looks. Maybe that’s the crux of it all. Maybe it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Conceivably a perception of attractiveness could lead to greater confidence, in turn helping to achieve success. And on the other side of the coin, a lack of confidence resulting from a perceived lack of attractiveness could be a stumbling block on the road to achieving potential.

As the discussion progressed that was the conclusion the group seemed to reach anyway. They went on to explain that it’s not about what you’ve got, it’s about what you do with it – a statement vague enough to worry me for a moment. I chose to take a positive message from it.

So maybe I shouldn’t despair of modern youth culture just yet. Maybe there is hope for them yet. Maybe there are hidden depths that will work their way to the top with time and maturity. Maybe these teenagers will come to rate the true character traits and values as much as the packaging in which they come.

The conversation was certainly becoming much more reassuring – right up to the point where one of the girls looked at a builder who was erecting a security fence outside the window, and exclaimed loudly,
“Oh! He’s hot!”