shoplifters amnesty

Now I should probably preface this entry by saying that I am not a shoplifter. I can’t say I have never ever shoplifted, but as far as I know the last thing I tried to slip off a shop shelf and into my pocket was a four colour bic pen from Mini’s when I was twelve – I got caught and ended up paying anyway. I am not a shop lifter because it’s illegal, it offends my middle class sensibilities, it goes against my moral upbringing and because I’m not very good at it.

That being said I want to tell you about a new collection I’m starting. Above you will see the first two parts of it. Two security tags from the same national supermarket chain. One came on a pair of trousers (and before you raise eyebrows I promise they were fair trade) bought in the Ballymoney branch and the second came inside the box of a cheap computer keyboard (the very one I’m using right now) from their Ballymena branch.

Much as I dislike the idea that I have inadvertently taken them there’s something marvellously ironic about stealing a security tag. It’s bad enough that the checkout staff forget to remove the tags when scanning them through – but its another thing altogether that the tags clearly didn’t actually do their job. Now I could tell you that I used magnetic cloaking devices, a black jump suit, infra red goggles, laser revealing smoke canisters, ropes, pullies and acrobatic skill to evade the alarms at the door – but actually I, um, walked out through them. It doesn’t fill you with confidence, does it?

So If I can collect two of these in the space of a week from one chain I reckon I should be able to pick up a sizeable collection over time. Unless I can think of some way to return them without looking like a particularly brazen shoplifter.