someone shut him up!

Is there anyone out there who likes hearing their own voice. Stupid question really - I know about fifty teenagers who seem to love nothing more than the sound of their own voices - but you know what I mean. How do you feel when you listen to your own voice mail message, or hear a recording of a speech or reading that you performed? I have a feeling that I am not alone when I say that I hate hearing the nasal mumble that comes from my mouth. It bears no resemblance to the voice in my head. The voice in my head is clear, coherent and free of any accent or blemish. The voice in my head is that of an orator, a confident leader of men... I hate the sound of my voice.

So it is with sad resignation that I report my discovery that it is not just the sound of my spoken voice that makes me cringe - my written voice is just as bad.

On two separate occasions comments I made in this blog have found themselves in the Guardian. Firstly some lines I wrote about Steve Irwin were quoted in their print edition the day after his death back in 2006. Then, a few days ago I became "Fellow 'tweechers' have responded angrily..." and "But one teacher-blogger counters..." in an article written by Jackie Kemp for the education section of their online edition, guardian.co.uk. The article 'Teachers banned from Twitter after indiscreet tweet - Council imposes ban after teacher's comments cause outrage in rural community' was about the teacher being investigated for using twitter during school hours in Scotland. I wrote an entry about it a couple of weeks ago.

As I read my quotes I was struck by a single thought - "I sound like a complete idiot." In my attempt to appear witty and clever I came across as anything but. As I read Kemp's article I felt my face turn red and I had a sudden desire to crawl into a corner and hide.

On the plus side she doesn't identify me (good for two reasons. a. Education chiefs won't track me down and put me in front of Joe McCarthy and the House Committee on Un-Educational Activities. and b. No one would attribute the crazed comments to me... well, until I drew your attention to them anyway) and she corrected my lack of commas - thanks Jackie.

i'm shocked! inaccuracies in the press?

They let me down a bagful. There you are thinking that, in this unstable world, at least we have the rock that is the tabloid press. When BANG - your illusions are shattered like that guiness glass you tried to smuggle out of an irish bar when you were a student - only to forget where the curb began.

Anyone reading today's copy of the Sun will undoubtedly know what I'm talking about. More specifically anyone reading Victoria Newton's Bizarre column. There we can find out how Daniel Radcliffe looks when he's drunk, how Wayne Rooney's cousin has recorded a song devoted to Man United in the FA Cup final, and we can find out all about Nadine Coyne's latest love tribulations. It seems her partner was spotted holding hands with another woman and Nadine is none too pleased about it.

Just how do the papers find out about this stuff - oh look, a quote from "a close friend"

Cheating is something Nadine will definitely not stand for... She has been working really hard with the other girls in England while he is swanning about in LA... If she thinks he has been cheating on her with another girl there will be all hell to pay... She loves him but she's not going to let him take her for granted. She's a fiesty Dublin girl who will not stand for it."

Fascinating stuff - but if this "close friend" is so "close" how come they don't know that Nadine is from Derry, not Dublin... hmmm. Honestly, if you can't trust the Sun who can you trust?