the laziest cat on the planet

It seems my cat is too lazy to catch birds - he expects them to come to him now:

clarkson school of meterology

So they call this global warming?

Yes, we’ve just come through a sustained period of cold weather; yes the country came to an abrupt standstill because no one can function at less than -2° or if half an inch of snow frosts our roads; yes some experts have been predicting that this could be the coldest winter in forty or something years;

but...

Will people please stop using this sentence along with a knowing (smug) smile as if it is some kind of irrefutable evidence that global warming is a myth cooked up by the liberal press and scientists in need to funding. As far as I am aware no one ever said that global warming was going to do away with winter - now if the snow’s still here come June...


Climate warming skeptics confuse me. Now I don’t claim to have all the evidence at hand - I haven’t read every study published on temperature since the mid 1800s - I don’t suggest that human caused CO2 emissions are 100%, definitely, irrefutably, unquestionably, undeniably, directly leading to global temperature rises - but all things considered I think it does look pretty likely that what we take from our rocks and pump into the atmosphere in great quantities may have some effect down the line.

What I struggle to understand is why climate skeptics refuse to even listen to both sides of the argument. I’m an English teacher who grew up doing debates and the like, just for the fun of it. I remember making the most ludicrous arguments seem almost plausible by the mystical power the human voice has over logic. But I also remember that the best way to win any debate was to listen closely to both sides of the argument. Putting your hands over your ears and going “nah-nah-nah-nah-nana” when your opponent was speaking was never seen as a good tactic.
Yet it seems that skeptics take every little jot of evidence they uncover as proof that the huge weight of research for human influenced warming is completely wrong.

In Northern Ireland we used to have an Environment Minister who was a Global Warming skeptic - yes, Environment. The man we had appointed to look after our interests environmentally didn’t believe in global warming! About a year ago he banned a UK government information initiative on climate change because he said it was an “insidious propaganda campaign” This was the man speaking on our behalf on environmentally issues!


For the fourth time in five minutes I’ve explained the meaning of the word ‘unconventional.’ I used it in a description of Atticus Finch’s parenting style in To Kill a Mockingbird. I used it as a positive thing - to show him in a favourable light - but let me be very clear on this:

Just because something is unconventional does not make it valid.

In fact, quite often, the weight of public and scientific opinion gets things right.

The idea that being different simply for the sake of being different, while interesting, isn’t admirable. I say this as someone who has had his own Devil’s Advocate hat made up. I’m saying this as someone with a heavy heart - for I know many people who smile smugly, look at the snow and say “Global warming? Can’t wait.” I have friends who are skeptics. And they are too good to descend to argumental depths like this.

It’s an argument directly from the Jeremy Clarkson school of scientific opinion. Jeremy Clarkson; the man whose day job is staging ‘spontaneous’ crisis in car related challenges; the man who’s policy on immigration involves sinking all boats bound for these shores; whose favourite page three girl is Zoe, 28, London; a man whose main arguments against global warming seem to be that he likes cars - and he’s not French - so he must be right. And if you disagree - you smell. A man whose hair style, dress sense, gender opinions and politics got trapped somewhere in the 70s. A man who writes one of the most widely read newspaper columns in the country, who is seemingly on a least one TV channel 24 hrs a day, who has written several highly selling books (two of which I have read and enjoyed - I love his tongue in cheek tone) He has sold ‘quite literally’ millions of copies. He has fans throughout the world and a petition to make him Prime Minister of the UK attracted 49,457 signatures...

Actually, perhaps public opinion isn’t always right after all.


[update] Shortly after writing I was pointed towards the column Mr Clarkson had published in the Sun that day. Coincidence abound.

Now that the whole global warming argument is buried under seven feet of snow, eco campaigners are getting desperate.
In a last ditch attempt to keep the debate going, they are now claiming that polar bears are being poisoned by the electronics in your laptop.
They seem to have arrived at this amazing conclusion by poisoning a fox. And then saying that if you poison an animal it will not be very well.
My suggestion is: They all shut up and get jobs as council snowplough drivers.

accompanied by a photo of Clarkson wearing a winter coat and a furry hat. Well then. I guess that proves it. Sorry for wasting your time.

gorilla missioning

I noted with some amusement today, as I browsed my local Currys, that some bright spark had tuned all the Digital Radios in the Audio section to the Christian Station, UCB Christian Radio UK.

It meant that everyone got a good ole dose of the gospel as they went about their shopping.
Bright spark - whoever you are - in terms of the ingenious, the pointless, the simply beauty of this act - I salute you.

and you are....?

Today I returned to teach in a school I hadn’t been to for a while. Long enough for me to forget most of their names, but not their faces.

It was a strange sensation. On the previous occasion I ended up teaching there for several months - eventually I began to feel more like a regular teacher than a substitute. I had all the benefits (and challenges) that familiarity with the individual pupils breeds.

Today I was just there for the day - yet it felt almost as if I was still that regular teacher. As if I was returning from a period away to resume where I left off. As if they’d had substitute to cover for me.

A very odd feeling.

And eventually, in my mind, the names did start to reappear beside their respective faces - although, rather strangely, they seemed to come after everything else - the names came last.

It appears my memory works like this:
First the face, then the rest of the appearance. Next come the shadows - the people they got on well with, and those with whom they fought; the voices and the conversations. That was, bizarrely, followed by the memory of the comments I wrote about them in their report cards - what does that say about me? And finally the names - first names first, surnames struggling along behind.

The human mind is a wonderful, crazy thing. I’ll wager that the different people reading this will have altogether different memory sequences and patterns.

I’ve always envied people with good memories - mine is shocking. But in this job it’ll certainly get plenty of exercise.

winter 2010

Isn't winter wonderful? Clean, fresh, crisp...



it's almost enough to have you forgive the egg sized bump formed on the back of your head after slipping on the ice on the pavement.

the trouble with mrs robinson

And so I join the ranks of the hundreds of other blogs and newspaper articles this week to begin with the phrase: “here’s to you Mrs Robinson.” I almost didn’t. It was almost too easy - but how many other times will I get the chance to use a Graduate reference with such delicious relevance?

Most of you will already know the story, but for those who don’t here’s a bit of exposition - I’ll try be brief.

Peter Robinson (aged 61) is Northern Ireland’s First Minister. He has a wife, Iris (aged 60). She is also a member of Parliament - as well as being an MLA and a Councillor. She is therefore quite a high profile politician in our little land - no more high profiled than when she publicly declared homosexuality an abomination a little over a year ago.

The problem is, as it turns out, that around the time she was proclaiming moral judgement she was also popping behind her husband's back for a spot of adultery with a young man called Kirk McCambley, aged (at the time) 19. [insert personal choice of Mrs Robinson seduction quote where appropriate.]

There was also some fuss about accounts and how she has broken parliamentary rules by not declaring some rather large loans she managed to secure for her toyboy’s business plans. She also didn’t declare her interest when Mr McCambley applied to the local council to lease that business - a council on which Mrs Robinson sat. It’s all a bit murky and the ramifications for her and her husband (if it is discovered that he knew about these breaches and did nothing about them) will be better discussed elsewhere.

Truth be told I care little for the woman. I felt slight sympathy when I heard she was quitting politics due to mental health issues - I felt even more when it was announced that she had attempted suicide. I still feel a little uneasy at the way people are querying the legitimacy of the suicide claims - it would surely be incredibly cynical to use something like that as a counter for anticipated bad press. I'd like to think even our politicians are above that. All of this is sordid and a touch sleazy - but I care not for the details of a stranger’s personal life - even if they are a public figure.

The problem with Mrs Robinson in my world became apparent when I opened facebook.

Mrs Robinson Jesus loves you more than you will know. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

You see, the Robinsons are devout Christians. And the more I read the more I found my non-christian friends reveling in the opportunity to use this story as evidence that Christians are a bunch of war-mongering, red-necked, child killing hypocrites.

So infidelity isn't as much of a sin as homosexuallity(sic) then Mrs Robinson?

And this does worry me. It feels like if someone in the public eye professes to be a christian they are scrutinized and any flaw is further proof that christianity is the root of all evil.

If that is christian love then I think I'd prefer to be gay.

So here's to you Mrs. Robinson....HA HA HA (so apparantly its an abomination to be gay but she can waltz around cheating on her wifebeating husband?) Not the f***ing Waltons after all are we?

how I love it when people fall flat on their faces. isn't it great when the holy aren't holier than thou.

It's as if we go round telling everyone how perfect we are and make a point of letting them know how holier we are than they are. The quotes I put here are from friends of mine. They make me wonder how my friends see my faith. I knew they were atheists - but I always assumed they had a certain respect for my beliefs.

I can't keep up. OK so Homosexuality=bad; hypocrisy, homophobia, greed, lying & adultery = good? Is that right?

How does this work in reverse? If every time I saw someone spill out of a pub and start a fight with a stranger I went "atheists! aggressive bunch" would that be fair? If every time a non-christian was accused of fraud I pigeon-holed everyone as greedy, would that be justified.

I am no DUP supporter - and truth be told I've never really had much of a liking for the Robinsons. They're not perfect - they've committed some major sins. But, actually, I'm not perfect - I'm far from it. Luckily though, although I need to set an example and be aware of how others perceive me, I am not the role model to which the christian world aspire - nor are the Robinsons. Our role model is free from sin - flawless.

So don't paint us all with the Robinsons' brush - and don't paint them with my brush. We none of us are perfect - but maybe we'd get a bit closer to it if we concentrated on our own problems rather than glorying in others'.

tis the season to be wary

What is it about this time of year?

Last year I was falling off a wall onto my ankle (which, incidentally, has yet to heal fully); and this year I managed to snag a particularly sharp bit of my thumb nail on my forehead and gouge out a three inch strip of skin.

Who disfigures themselves taking off a T-shirt?!

I’m going to bed - wake me up in 2011!