found guilty of first degree snobbery

I was out shopping today. It’s not something I often do for pleasure but I was at a loose end and I was passing Junction One Retail Park so I dropped in. I didn’t actually buy more than a large Soya Latte and an orange muffin but it was a pleasant enough time.

As I was making my way out of Starbucks I literally bumped into two rather short, stocky, hairless young men with strong Belfast accents. They each had identical Barönjon suit carriers in their hands and my first thought was “I wonder which of them will be in the dock” It is an appalling stereotype that a Belfast man wearing a suit must be on his way to court but I am ashamed to say I couldn’t help myself.

Of course I immediately rebuked myself – out loud – much to the amusement of a teenage girl smoking outside the adidas store. I can be such a snob at times – a flaw in my personality I would love to be able to remedy. The fact that they were buying matching suits could surely, and more likely, be because one of them was getting married and the other was to be the best man. Maybe they were just good friends who enjoyed shopping together and who shared a love of nice suits.

Of course just because something is a stereotype doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I reckon 9 months, suspended because of the nice suits

A neo-liberal version of the good samaritan

I was sitting in my classroom pondering which of my selection of hot beverages to choose when a colleague came in wanting to fill his kettle at the sink in my room. We passed the time of day and he helped me choose. As we chose he noticed the fair trade logo on the three types of coffee, and all the teas and hot chocolates. I was a little worried what he thought. This guy is what I would describe as straight talking, no nonsense, say it as you see it kind of a man. And in my little world of stereotypes he would be the kind of man who would sneer at the whole concept of fair trade.

How wrong can you be? He was, it turns out, a great advocate of fair trade - in fact he went far beyond the little I do. His wife is a Amnesty Internation rep, he bans non-fair trade chocolate from his house (pity the poor kid who brings a mars bar in) he is officially the most liberal non-liberal I have ever met.

Now I have never been able to have a decent conversation about coffee bean taxation with the badly-knitted-woolen-jumper-wearing-arty-types that hang round the university, never been able to discuss moral premium with the local religious leaders and yet here was a leather coat wearing, mountain of a man with slicked back hair chatting with me about how coffee growing doesn't have to involve chopping down rainforests in Peru as it can be grown in the shade. The man's a computer teacher - not even a biologist or geographer. Once I picked my eyebrows off the ceiling we went on to discuss how famers here have a nasty time making ends meet and how that pressure is multiplied when you, and your family, are surviving on the edge as they are in many third world countries. We talked about how during this harvest thanksgiving season we should be looking for positive ways to level the playing field and praying for those less well off - the man's a non-practising atheist! We finished up with a fascinating discussion about Sri Lankan spices. I'm still in shock - he's knows everything there is to know.

Who is your neighbouring environmentalist? Look around, you could be surprised.

you went out with a what?

I went out with a free Presbyterian last night – I’m shocked at myself – I didn’t think I had it in me – on so many levels.

I have to admit that I would never have pictured myself going out with an FP, and it’s not something I set out to do; it just happened. I mean, you don’t plan these things, do you? Oh I’ve considered diversifying in the past, dabbled with the idea of hanging out with the RPs or the Eps, the Baptists, the Methodists, various forms of Brethren, various forms of Anglican, Pentecostal, Catholic, Unitarian, Amish… but not Free Presbyterians.

Why not? Because I have a tendency to stereotype religions in a wholly unfair way (for stereotype read judge) and my perception of Free Ps has not always been the best – no, that’s not right, more my perception of Free Ps is that they and I have little in common – other than the basics of our faith, the roots of our denomination, the society in which we live, the air which we breathe… ok, we have a lot in common! I just see them as being a lot less flexible and a lot more hard line than I see myself.

This got me thinking about how I view a lot of other religions. I totally stereotype them all. Say the word Methodist and I already have an image in my head, Pentecostal – arm waving, eyes closed; Baptist – happy clappy hat wearing bappies; Catholic… hmm, better not mention them in a blog about FPs – You see there I go again! Totally stereotyping an entire denomination with the catholic hating image. And it’s simply not true.

Free Presbyterians do a huge amount of work in society and their unwavering reliance on the Gospel and their insistence that we keep ramming it home until we get it right is admirable. Some of the new churches they’re building suggest they’re growing rapidly – and the new building they’ve built in Ballymoney is very impressive.

Anyway, back to last night, because that is where the date began - at the opening of Ballymoney's new Free Presbyterian Church building - Hebron FP Church. It was an interesting experience - I got to hear the Rev Dr Big Ian preach first hand for the first time ever and it shattered some of my illusions. After that we went on for coffee and we got a chance to get to know each other better. I looked very carefully, she didn’t have two heads, she wasn’t wearing a rangers shirt, she didn’t have a photo of Ian Paisley in her purse, she didn’t complain that the music we were listening to was Romanist propaganda; she was perfectly normal. Soon into a second soya latte the conversation turned to what church I attended (In America on a date you talk about TV, in Australia you talk about sports, in England you talk about the weather, in Scotland you talk about England, in Northern Ireland you talk about religion) I told her I was Presbyterian, she seemed happy enough, I then lowered my eyes and admitted that I was a woolly liberal Presbyterian. She looked at me and said, “That’s okay, I’m a woolly liberal Free Presbyterian.”

I doubt if I’ll be seeing her again. I refuse to believe that woolly liberal Free Presbyterian’s exist and I can’t possibly date someone in whose existence I don’t believe.