who'll crack first?

I was chatting with my form class today. They’re an amiable bunch of 17 year olds, and I get on well with them. We don't tend to get into too many deep and meaningful conversations - usually.

We discussed the formal for a while today. It had taken place the night before and I was surprised to see so many of the class actually make it to school. I hadn't been invited, something I make a point of bringing up at every possible chance.

One kid hadn't gone to the formal. I remember when I was his age I didn't go to my formal either - I went with a friend to a Bob Dylan concert. I was keen to know if he had come up with a worthy alternative to spending the night wearing rented evening wear eating a luke warm meal and bouncing about a crowded dance floor trying to seduce something in a dress before the lights came up.

"I went to a meeting."
"a meeting?"
"a religious meeting. I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I already knew he was. I had a form pointing out that he would refuse blood in a medical emergency locked in my filing cabinet and we'd already had a discussion on how his pacifism and my pacifism were actually as far removed as pacifism and war mongering. I came out of that one wondering how I had gone from being a wooly liberal pacifist into a war loving fascist in three easy steps. He has a way of turning everything I say into something wholly contradictory. I admire that.

Usually my discussions with my lower sixth pupils end after 5 sentences, so I prepared to move on to the next topic – but he hadn’t finished,

“Are you religious sir?”
“As a matter of fact I am.”
“I respect that.”

It struck me that he hadn’t asked the nature of my religiousosity. Normally that would be an important part of that question. But to him it didn’t matter if I was a Presbyterian, a Cistercian Monk, a Muslim or a Discordian. All that mattered was that I was religious (and he respected that) and that I was wrong (which he obvious didn’t respect.)

“It won’t stop me trying to convert you though.” He said with a slight edge and a knowing smile.
“I’d be disappointed if it did.” I replied with, hopefully, a similar edge and an even knowinger smile.

And so the challenge is set – the gauntlet thrown. I don’t have long in this school so we’re under pressure. He to turn me into a Restorationist, Millenialist, Adventist door knocker – and I to turn him into Calvinistic Reformationalist. Anyone else sense an impending stalemate?

ping pong politics

American politics. Wonderful. Mainly because it allows us in this little country to ignore the farce that is politics over here. We can overlook our first minister's wife and her discriminatory comments on national radio and instead be entertained by the circus, US style.

I try not to comment on american politics too often - Mainly because, let's face it, I haven't a clue what I'm talking about - but I was amused to hear the problems both candidates are having of late. It is ironic that the religious leaders being courted to win votes are turning out to be political liabilities, no?

John McCain is obviously trying to out-do Barack Obama's Rev Wright issue. Why have one problem pastor when you can have two? Earlier in the year he accepted endorsements from John "Hitler was sent to help the Jews" Hagee who, I believe, once described the Catholic Church as a whore. Another former supporter, Pastor Rod Parsley described Islam as “the mouthpiece of a conspiracy of spiritual evil,” and that Islam is an “anti-Christ religion that intends through violence to conquer the world.” McCain distanced himself from both of these men, and will undoubtedly lose some evangelical support for doing so.

Hopefully the incidents on both sides will force the agenda off religious posturing and onto real issues. I really do hope so for I am very concerned about the example these public religious leaders are setting. You see I don't recognise the aggressive, confrontational, suspicious, hate-filled rant spewing that seems so prevalent. Of course as a Christian you have to stand up for what you know to be the truth - but there are ways of being assertive that don't involve insular paranoia. If I were to offer advice it would verge dangerously into overly simplistic waters – Don’t put your faith in religious leaders, no human is perfect. In fact don’t try to win religious votes by courting pastors at all – win them by incorporating Christian values into your policies. If you are going to follow anything surely it should be God’s teaching, not Pastor Parsley’s.

Personally I would like to see a separation of Church and State when it comes to electioneering. That is not to see that I think that candidates should suppress their spiritual beliefs – I feel it is important that the people in charge should have a working faith. I want the Church to step away from the political system because, by getting involved, it appears corrupt and divided, and the Church should never be either of those.

Instead of the candidates batting religion back and forward maybe they could follow the Chinese and Japanese leaders’ example and bat a ball about. Apparently the two countries’ relations were greatly enhanced when the Chinese President, Hu Jintao , took on two Japanese Olympians at table tennis. The Japanese Prime Minister, Yasuo Fukuda, had planned to play against him but decided to “chicken out” Now that’s diplomacy.

Can you imagine if Obama and McCain fought out the presidency on a ping pong table – best of five. It would save a lot of time, money and make for scintillating viewing. And best of all Florida would have no say in the result!

driving and talking

I was out for a drive today and saw a hitchhiker outside the Causeway Hospital in Coleraine. She was headed for Belfast but I wasn’t planning on going any further than Ballymoney – Still she reckoned every little helps and got in.

Almost immediately we began one of the best conversations I’ve had in months. It just seemed to move seamlessly from topic to topic with hardly a break for her to take a bite of her sandwich or for me to check my dangerously low diesel level.

It turns out she’s from the Yukon, had been wondering what to do, decided to hitchhike her way round Ireland – like you do if you’ve got a spare moment in the Yukon. We discussed people, differences in people, similarities in people, relationships between people, people and their food, people and their jobs, people looking out for other people and people and religion.

It turns out she’s an evangelical Christian. Despite being here for months she claims she only met her first evangelical Christian in that past few days. I found that really hard to believe but was more than happy to take her word for it.

It turns out she finds all the different versions of Presbyterianism confusing – this gave me the opportunity to try out my short explanation of the various Ps. Now anyone who has listened to my explanation of the various Ps will know that the 7 miles between Coleraine and Ballymoney isn’t going to cover it – not by a long shot. And by the time I’d finished and she’d returned the favour by explaining the various Canadian denominations we were well on our way to Antrim.

I can honestly say I had an absolute ball and Elizabeth, despite the fact that I ran out of diesel on the ride home, I look forward to talking to you again sometime… highly unlikely but I look forward to it anyway.

if you build it they will come

I was listening to a speaker from the Irish Mission talking today. Usually when I think of mission I think of men in safari hats and khaki shorts chasing after men with bones through their noses. He, however, was talking about Carnlough and Waterfoot - places in the Glens of Antrim. Loads of sheep but cannibals are rare.

He talked about his work and, later, about the relevence of the battles in Chronicles 5 to modern mission. But the bit I was interested in was the bit where he said that the Roman Catholic parents had asked them to set up Children's Activities over the winter. Here are the very people they had come to save - to point out the error of their ways. He wasn't leaving us in any doubt about his opinions concerning the afterlife for RCs. He felt they were following a false path. And yet here were these people coming to him. Why? I can't imagine a group of Muslim or Budhist mothers coming up to me in S4 on a friday afternoon enrolling their kids in the School's Scripture Union.

I think - and I could be wrong - I think that there are a couple of reasons these parents came looking for this programme to be set up by a bunch of Protestant missionaries. I think that, although there are undoubted and inescapable differences in the denominations the perceived end game is the same (sort of - we'll ignore pergatory for the purposes of this post) but the other, and in my mind more important, reason is this. Although it wasn't mentioned I am assuming there had been some kind of summer programme for these kids. I'm also assuming that it was fulfilling a need in the community and I'm assuming the parents of these kids felt it would be worthwhile if there was something similar during the dark months. I'm assuming they had found a trust and respect for the people who ran the summer scheme and who else would they go to for something more? As Kevin Costner knows - if you build it they will come.

Isn't that a great way to reach out to people? To be able to get to a stage where you're not running round like a headless chicken forcing hard truths down people's throats - oh I know that's a necessary part of it - I just like the idea of people coming of there own accord with requests. That would be good.

I'm glad it's not like this all the time

A week or two ago I wrote a post all about watching Derry City play in a chip shop in Ballymena - that's me watching it in a chip shop, not them playing in a chip shop. It was a post of joy and optimism. A post proclaiming love and peace in a country thought of as a recovering war zone. I was uplifted writing it.

Now I am crestfallen.Coming from Northern Ireland it is hard to avoid topics of religion and politics. If you see a film in NI it generally mentions the "situation" Plays set in Ulster tend to have a group of loyalists and a group of republicans playing montagues and capulets, stand up comedy routines tend to have at least one Big Ian reference - they're not funny otherwise. It's hard to avoid these topics, but not impossible. A group of us make short films in this country and I can't remember one reference to "the troubles" - unless you count a prank involving an Irishman in Camp David wearing a balaclava.

I had intended this blog to be sectarian free but thinking back over the past couple of months I can point to at least six posts with something to do with political religion in Northern Ireland. and here I am about to write number seven - I guess I failed.

You see it's like this. Derry were playing the return leg of that football tie in Paris last night. I went back to Ballymena to stand outside that chip shop waving my rangeltic scarf (creating it involved mutilating two separate football scarves to make one but I think it was worth it) If I thought I would witness a similiar show of bon ami I was sadly mistaken. Two drunks paying no attention to the football and a rather angry looking youth who called me jaffa scum because I was wearing a hearts shirt. I left despondent.

A friend of mine lives in a loyalist area of Derry, or should we say Londonderry. Her nephew is the result of a mixed marriage and is being brought up a a Protestant in a Catholic area. She told me today how she had picked him up from Boys' Brigade last night. They had gone to buy stickers in a shop near her house and as they were leaving the shop he looked up at her and said, "It's just as well we went to your shop and not ours. Cause if we went to ours they would have see me in this uniform and known I was Protestant." He's four. So young, so cynical. She said it nearly brought tears to her eyes - it very nearly brought tears to mine.

Things have improved. Things are improving. I just wish they'd hurry up a bit.

you went out with a what?

I went out with a free Presbyterian last night – I’m shocked at myself – I didn’t think I had it in me – on so many levels.

I have to admit that I would never have pictured myself going out with an FP, and it’s not something I set out to do; it just happened. I mean, you don’t plan these things, do you? Oh I’ve considered diversifying in the past, dabbled with the idea of hanging out with the RPs or the Eps, the Baptists, the Methodists, various forms of Brethren, various forms of Anglican, Pentecostal, Catholic, Unitarian, Amish… but not Free Presbyterians.

Why not? Because I have a tendency to stereotype religions in a wholly unfair way (for stereotype read judge) and my perception of Free Ps has not always been the best – no, that’s not right, more my perception of Free Ps is that they and I have little in common – other than the basics of our faith, the roots of our denomination, the society in which we live, the air which we breathe… ok, we have a lot in common! I just see them as being a lot less flexible and a lot more hard line than I see myself.

This got me thinking about how I view a lot of other religions. I totally stereotype them all. Say the word Methodist and I already have an image in my head, Pentecostal – arm waving, eyes closed; Baptist – happy clappy hat wearing bappies; Catholic… hmm, better not mention them in a blog about FPs – You see there I go again! Totally stereotyping an entire denomination with the catholic hating image. And it’s simply not true.

Free Presbyterians do a huge amount of work in society and their unwavering reliance on the Gospel and their insistence that we keep ramming it home until we get it right is admirable. Some of the new churches they’re building suggest they’re growing rapidly – and the new building they’ve built in Ballymoney is very impressive.

Anyway, back to last night, because that is where the date began - at the opening of Ballymoney's new Free Presbyterian Church building - Hebron FP Church. It was an interesting experience - I got to hear the Rev Dr Big Ian preach first hand for the first time ever and it shattered some of my illusions. After that we went on for coffee and we got a chance to get to know each other better. I looked very carefully, she didn’t have two heads, she wasn’t wearing a rangers shirt, she didn’t have a photo of Ian Paisley in her purse, she didn’t complain that the music we were listening to was Romanist propaganda; she was perfectly normal. Soon into a second soya latte the conversation turned to what church I attended (In America on a date you talk about TV, in Australia you talk about sports, in England you talk about the weather, in Scotland you talk about England, in Northern Ireland you talk about religion) I told her I was Presbyterian, she seemed happy enough, I then lowered my eyes and admitted that I was a woolly liberal Presbyterian. She looked at me and said, “That’s okay, I’m a woolly liberal Free Presbyterian.”

I doubt if I’ll be seeing her again. I refuse to believe that woolly liberal Free Presbyterian’s exist and I can’t possibly date someone in whose existence I don’t believe.

me? A wesleyan?

I did a quick test to see my theological leanings - I've been worried that my love of statues and dancing in the moonlight was somewhat against my Presbyterian roots. I duly answered a few dozen questions as honestly as I could and came up with a result.

82% leaning towards Wesleyan Evangelicalism. Odd.

Even more odd is that Fundamentalist came in a not too distant second. I must point this out to the fellow members of the choir (who all think I'm a bleeding heart liberal) this morning.

A Wesleyan - hmm - Is that why I was drawn to carrying out the year 8 cognitive abilities tests in the Methodist hall opposite the school rather than the Presbyterian hall next door. Actually I see now why I've been named a closet Methodist - 'Liberal Presbyterian with Baptist tendancies and the odd urge to raise a hand while singing' isn't one of the options.

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 82%
Fundamentalist 71%
Neo orthodox 61%
Emergent/Postmodern 54%
Reformed Evangelical 54%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 50%
Classical Liberal 46%
Modern Liberal 43%
Roman Catholic 39%

You can find out how you rate by clicking this link

A Typical Day at the Cornmarket

Recently I was in Belfast for a wander about when I came upon a strange sight. There was a busker (not strange for Belfast – I’d passed three on my walk up to that point), two girls and a guy handing out fliers (again not strange – the Corn Market is the perfect place for evangelists/religious nuts to stand for maximum exposure.) What made this a strange sight was the fact that the two girls and the guy were dressed up like Victorians. “Promoting a play,” I thought; and certainly the way one of the girls was listening earnestly while a drunk spilled his guts (not literally) made me think she was a great actor. Each of the girls and the guy were talking earnestly to people and all the time the busker strummed her guitar and sang vaguely latin-american-sounding songs. They were all incredibly beautiful people, and even more striking in their costumes.

I moved round the corner and leaned against the wall to listen – I didn’t fancy being accosted by anyone and listened to earnestly. The singer had an amazing voice. Absolutely captivating. I was getting so lost in the music that I didn’t notice the male member of the group looking at me for a few seconds and when I did I accidentally made eye contact. NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT! I looked away immediately and tried to look like I was waiting for someone in a shop. I impatiently looked at my watch (I’m good) but he wasn’t fooled. He came right over and shook my hand.

Paul, and his colleagues, are missionaries who had come over from their work in Liberia to speak to the people of Europe. As he told me of the group and what they believed and listened earnestly to what I had to say I got more and more uncomfortable. I listened to hear if anything he had to say was heretical or evidence that he belonged to a dangerous cult that would kidnap my children (if I had any) and force them to eat Weetabix for lunch. He didn’t; and that, if anything, made me even more uncomfortable. What was amazing was the fact that he seemed to be able to slip the word ‘love’ into practically every sentence – woolly liberal obviously; except he really wasn’t. As I stopped trying to accuse and judge I started to enjoy the discussion. I really got into it and totally lost track of time. But the whole time the discomfort grew; and I began to notice the words of the busker’s songs weren’t helping that discomfort.

Both Paul and Ivanna were using the word love in a casual way – but they weren’t talking of love as we know it. They were talking about the love they inherited from Jesus. They were talking about a love that would make them leave their lives behind and move to Africa to help people in war torn countries. They were talking about a love that was more important than safety and security, more important than their lives. And yet they were talking about it casually as if it was something everyday normal to them. Because it was everyday normal to them. They lived this love.

Il n'y a pas de plus grand amour que de donner sa vie pour ses amis.

I was feeling uncomfortable because, while I spoke often of this love, I am not able to talk about it casually or without a twinge of discomfort. I do live a life of love – I hold Christ’s love as an example of how I want to live my life. Paul and Ivana weren’t thinking about it, they were living it, every day. And as Paul quoted passages of scripture they took on a whole new level of understanding. There are many things I need to work on in my life and now it turns out that even this part, the one I thought I had sussed, needs much development. I guess I have work to do yet.