things you should know about me

For the most part people who stumble upon this blog don’t really know me that well – so I thought I’d put together a quick cheat sheet of things you really should know.

1. I am not a special needs teacher. At least not at the moment. When I set out to begin this blog a couple of years ago I was working within the special education department of a mainstream state school. When I tried to think of a title it sort of made sense as my job had been gradually taking over my life. Now I’m not working there any more but I am too lazy to change the name of the blog.
What I’ve come to realise is that the title is a little misleading in at least one other way. Basically because I call my blog the Thoughts of a Special Needs Teacher people assume it will be all about special needs education or education in general. It’s not. Education slips in because I’m a teacher (sometimes) and the state of the state of the education system matters to me. It’s on my mind if you like. It’s on my mind therefore I vent.
The current disastrous state of Newcastle United Football Club also occupies a sizeable chunk of my mind so you’ll find they appear on occasion. My family are rarely far from my mind but since my sister started reading this occasionally I have to be careful what I say about them.
No, this blog is mainly just a means of clearing my head. When I was a school kid I used to record the detritus clogging my mental pores in the form of notes and doodles on my file paper. I’d write them down and then I’d crumple the paper up and throw it in the trash – now I publish them on the web.

2. I really am as bumbling as I make myself out to be here. I am in no way adapting real life to make it appear worse than it is as some sort of attempt to appear blind-puppy-style endearing. I do not relate my experiences either to endear nor to elicit pity. I do it because sometimes I can’t believe how incredibly stupid I’ve been and need to tell people about it. The pity thing is an added bonus.
When I appear naïve it is because I was naïve. When I appear clumsy it is because I was clumsy. I am but a camera (Evelyn Waugh would be proud) capturing events as they happened for you’re amusement. A camera in the old sense, before photoshop was invented obviously. Rest assured, if ever I do something suave, sophisticated or generally smooth you will read all about it.

"I'll expect you'll be becoming a schoolmaster, sir. That's what most of the gentlemen does, sir, that gets sent down for indecent behaviour."
Evelyn Waugh - Decline and Fall (1928)

3. I have several guilty secrets. Don’t tell anyone but occasionally I watch rubbish television. In fact sometimes I enjoy it more than the good stuff. Currently I am addicted to the Big Bang Theory. I love everything about it from the Bare Naked Ladies theme to the lame stairwell conversations to the cringe-worthy stereotyping. The girl who plays Penny (Kaley Cuoco I think – I hope that’s spelt right) bears an incredible resemblance to a girl who helps me out sometimes when I’m filming weddings. Similar in appearance and personality. She has the same sunny disposition, the same assumed ditziness, the same patient but frustrated look when dealing with someone who’s overly complicated ramblings and general bumbling make no sense to her whatsoever.
Sometimes when I watch it I find myself diagnosing various syndromes in the characters – I’m not sure that’s healthy. I think it maybe suggests I miss the Learning Support Unit.
Anyway, I’m not going to attempt to argue the merits of the show – it’s frivolous, occasionally sketchily written, stereotype affirming, generalises wildly on a regular basis – and I can’t get enough of it.

4. I hate/detest/abhor/loathe those emails that ask you to take “10 minutes” out of your time to answer “a few” (dozen) questions about yourself. Can someone tell me what the point is? Are you really going to try and persuade me that you can get to know someone better through these things? Really? How does it benefit anyone to know what colour my toothbrush is, or when I last cried, or what music is on my ipod/ cd player / 8 track? It doesn’t I tell you! Well, I suppose they can now choose between buying me a gift of a CD, a toothbrush or some tissues.
Not only are they a waste of time but they revel in that fact. I saw one recently which asked the victim to record the time they started the questionnaire and the time they finished. It then asked them what else they could have spent that time doing. Cruel.
Worse still, they have pervaded the blogosphere. They take the form of an award that you pass on to blogs you admire. Once “tagged” you answer a few questions about yourself in your blog and pass it on, pyramid scheme style, to seven other victims. “Award or virus?” I hear you ask. “Or is he maybe just a little bitter that he’s never been tagged?” No! I’m not! Although you would have imagined that someone out there would have me somewhere in their top seven blogs.
These are not to be confused with the profiles to be found in some blogs. These are a different beast entirely. They tend to be relevant and specific to that blog. They don’t require you to pass anything on to anywhere. They are generally humorous and interesting as opposed to inane and irrelevant.
So, no tagging. Agreed?

And that will do for now. I think you know all you need to about me. And all without the use of a single questionnaire. Although if it is bothering you – I prefer cold vacations to hot ones, I have two pets, I wanted to be a train driver / pig farmer / psychologist when I was growing up, I’ve never been toilet papering, I have blue eyes, I prefer croutons to bacon bits and my toothbrush is purple.