The award for the greatest similarity to a celebrity. This was an award I was given at a formal evening at the end of my first year at UUC. The final year drama students were having a last hurrah and had invited me along to the event because I had acted with many of them in a few plays through the year. I would have been flattered had the celebrity in question not been the Jolly Green Giant. Needless to say I smiled wryly as I picked up the certificate and, truth be told, I was actually a little flattered that the final years had accepted me enough to be able to make me the butt of a joke. Spoof award ceremonies have been part of the education system for years. For as long as the authorities have been handing out awards for academic achievment the anti-authoritarians have been performing parodies. One the highlights of my school's formals are the annual awards like the 007 award for best use of hair gel or the Jordan award for classy dressing.
These are only really funny if the recipient of the "honour" is able to accept the joke in the manner it is offered, and if it comes from a group of their peers who are happy to take as well as give; otherwise it can just be plain nasty.
So imagine getting two separate awards: The Sir Clowns-a-Lot Award (fairly tame) and the Most Likely Not to have Children Award (bit of a edge). Next I want you to imagine that you are ten years old when you are given these awards. Finally I want you to imagine that these were handed out, not by good humoured friends, but by your teachers. This happened to a sixth grade pupil in Indianapolis recently. Matt Porter was given these awards at the end of the last term and his parents weren't too amused:
I think their anger is understandable. No one wants their child to be undermined like this at such an early age - and to have that done by his teachers is a bit rough to say the least. I know that I am a sarcastic sod at times, and I know that I use quite a lot of banter in my lessons - but I make a point of only doing it with pupils who understand the nature with which it is intended. If a pupil struggles to get my humour I make a point not to use that with them and try a different approach. It's called being flexible.
The teachers in this sad tale appear to have been, at best, naive. They also, obviously, felt that they were entitled to impose their sense of humour on their pupils. They were, it could be suggested, a little bit stupid to actually sign the certificates. Having said all that I think it may have been blown a little out of proportion. A thought that I feel is backed up by the news that Matt's mother not only asked for an apology from the teachers involved but also insists that her son is in serious need of counseling because of the event. Comments like that would have the Daily Mail journos writing articles about how our elders managed to fight two world wars, land on the moon and survive on gruel while we seem to need counseling if we trip over our shoe laces. It also does nothing to further the cause of those of us who want to stamp out bullying in schools - from pupils and teachers.
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