I’d recommend pleasant

Don’t you love little coincidences? Tiny little details that make you wonder about the pattern of human existence. Maybe that’s reading a little much into them – but they make us smile and so must be good.

Today I was passing an enjoyable hour or two watching old movies. I’m a big fan of Stewart, Grant, Hepburn (both of them), Bogart, Tracey and the gang. In my opinion if a film was made in black and white (due to necessity rather than choice) it cannot be a bad film. It can be quirky, offbeat, eccentric, unique… but not bad.

As I laughed my way through a film from 1950, Harvey, one particular quote struck me. It struck me as being a little old fashioned – but also struck me as a little bit true.

Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, ‘In this world Elwood, you must be’… she’d always call me Elwood… ‘In this world Elwood you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.’ Well for years I was smart; I’d recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

This is where the coincidence occurs. As soon as I’d finished the film I popped into Ballymoney to buy a newspaper. As I got out of my car I met a young man wearing a t-shirt bearing the slogan, “I’ll be a bit nicer if you’ll be a bit smarter.”

So then I really started thinking about the philosophy of these quotes. These days we get so caught up in the pursuit of happiness that we have little time to work on our niceness. You see it pays us to be smart – we get good exam results, we get good jobs, we can feel superior to people who don’t operate on the same intellectual plain as ourselves, make fun of people who don’t understand the basic concept of grammar – it’s good to be smart. Being pleasant, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to benefit us at all.

Harvey and I sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella." Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments.

I like to think of myself as pleasant. People who know me and have witnessed me being cruel, nasty and plain rude may differ but in general I try to be a decent fella who’d do whatever he could for whoever needed it. Sometimes I do go out of my way to help people. Sometimes people think I’m being taking advantage of – that I’m sacrificing my own needs for people who really don’t appreciate it. The thing is… well, I don’t think I am. I like helping people. I don’t do it to feel appreciated, I don’t do it to further my image somehow, I don’t even do it as some kind of karmic exercise. I do it because I enjoy doing it, and I enjoy feeling useful, and I enjoy the feeling I get when I am able to make somebody’s life a little easier.

And I’m not the only one. There are many people out there who go much much further than I do. I know lots of them. I know a lot of people who are both smart and pleasant. They have the best of both worlds but seem to appreciate the value of being… well, nice. I consider several of them friends and, despite occasionally being nasty to them, I admire them.

There are people in the public eye as well. Take that movie, Harvey. Another of my odd little idiosyncrasies is the way I’ll pick out someone in a film, a small character who may only be on screen for seconds, and need to know what happened to that actor. In moments like this I thank God for IMDB.com. While watching Harvey it was Nurse Kelly (Peggy Dow) that caught my attention. I can’t remember seeing her in anything else. It turns out that this is understandable as she wasn’t in very much else. Despite showing huge promise and acting range Dow dropped out of the limelight after making only four or five movies. She dropped out voluntarily to marry and start a family.

This promising 1950s Universal contract player had so much going for her - beauty, brains and talent - to go the distance, but she came up far short after deciding to retire for domestic life.

While other members of the cast were going on to win awards and critical acclaim for film after film, Dow was in Tulsa raising her five sons, babysitting her twelve grandkids and doing a lot of charity work. She did get an award herself – she was given an honorary degree from the University of Oklahoma for her devotion to improving health care education and cultural events in Tulsa. I would love to meet the woman. I want to know if she felt she would have become as successful as she did if she’d chosen the popular route. I would love to ask her if she felt it was nice to be important, or more important to be nice.