who's laughing now?

Every-so-often I start to worry about where all my money is going. I sit down and mentally add up all my regular expenses, look at my exceptional outgoings, check with the rate of inflation - and then go and make a cup of coffee and try to forget all about it. Every time I do this I come to the same conclusion - my biggest expense by far is my car.

I drive about fifty miles a day (not taking into account the occasional diversion) yet by the time I've filled the tank (€70 - its cheaper in Donegal), paid the tax (£115), sent a cheque in for the service which showed up that my brakes needed completely replaced (£323) and paid for insurance I'm out a fortune.

Insurance is the one that gets to me. I have never claimed, I drive a sensible(ish) car, It is rarely parked on roadsides or in less desirable areas and I tend to keep it between the hedges at all times. Yet I pay extra because I live in Northern Ireland. My premiums would be almost £60 cheaper if I lived in some leafy town in the south of England. What annoys me most is when I sitt filling in the online forms - giving every last detail, double checking the vehicle details, hitting submit... only for the screen to tell you that the insurer only covers mainland UK. It's discrimination, that's what it is.

Still, it could be worse. I'm a teacher, and apparently they rate quite highly on the safe drivers list. I think maybe only Bank Managers pay a cheaper premium. Apparently the worst thing I could be is a footballer or a comedian - then I'd be paying (on average) over £300 more! I understand the footballer thing but what have comedian's ever done to deserve this kind of treatment. Are they being victimised because the Insurers are insecure about their public perception - perhaps they feel unloved and want to take it out on someone.

The moral of the story is that if, next time you are pulled over by the police, and after making a sarcastic comment are asked "What are you, some kind of comedian?" the answer should always be "No!"