my room, the tardis

I'm utterly confused. How is it possible to remove a large amount from a small space and end up with more than you started with? Every year around this time I do a traditional spring clean. I clear out, clean up and reorganise. I have to - otherwise I would have drowned in rubble years ago.

I'm a hoarder - always have been. I find it practically impossible to throw away anything. I'm convinced the most worthless piece of rubbish may come in useful someday - it never does but just in case...

Is that what it means to have faith in a God of grace? We're told so much these days that we have to value ourselves - that if we can't do that how can we expect others to value us. At times I find that a hard thing to do - somtimes I have to look long and hard to see the worth. Yet as a Christian I'm told that I'm not worthless - I may be unworthy but not worthless. That gives me enormous relief.

The same cannot be said for the junk I cleared out of my room. None of it earned a reprieve and my annual cull took place as scheduled. I bit my lip, put all my "it might be needed sometime"s and my "who knows what this might be worth"s behind me and started filling bin liners. The surprising thing is that the more I cleared out the more my shelves seemed to fill up. See for yourself - look at the photo above -I cleared all of this out of one tiny room and yet it's still crammed to the brim. Can somebody please offer a logical explanation because I'm at a loss.

flying the union jack

I’ve had an Eoin Paisley moment. Many years ago when Mad Cow Disease was rife throughout mainland United Kingdom the good Dr discovered that there were some advantages to dealing with the enemy. He may have been strongly British but our cows were Irish – if it meant avoiding the sanctions imposed on UK beef exports. Only with me it was the other way round.

I got my credit card statement today – as usual a scary experience. It was made all the more disconcerting when I read one particular item: GOVERNMENT TAX 2006/2007 - £26.79

I was straight on the phone where I was immediately through to someone called Andy… well immediately after I’d listened to a recorded message telling me that I could avoid queues by signing up to the internet account for twenty minutes and entered pi to the tenth decimal point to satisfy some persistent machine demanding numerals – “if you’ve lost the will to live press 3 now”

ANDY: You’re through to MBNA, this is Andy, how can I help you today?

ME: Yeah, um, I was wondering about a charge on my statement.

ANDY: No problem, I’ll just confirm some of your security details and then I’ll get right on to that for you.

[after satisfying his request]

ANDY: Okay, which entry was it specifically?

ME: The one that says Government Tax.

ANDY: [intrigued] Oh yeah, what is that for?

ME: I was hoping you could tell me.

ANDY: Can I put you on hold for just a moment while I check that out for you?

[three minutes of inane computer generated music]

ANDY: That’s a government imposed tax.

ME: Seriously?

ANDY: Yes. The Republic of Ireland Government impose that on all Irish Credit Card holders.

ME: But I’m not from the Republic of Ireland.

ANDY: Aren’t you?

ME: I’m Northern Irish.

ANDY: Oh yeah, and that’s different, isn’t it?

ME: Slightly.

ANDY: Okay, can I put you on hold while I check a couple of things.

[three more minutes of inane music bore into my consciousness]

ANDY: Thank you for holding. When did you change address?

ME: I didn’t. I never lived in the Republic.

ANDY: So why have you got an Irish address?

ME: I don’t.

ANDY: Oh, so you don’t. All of your transactions are in the Republic of Ireland.

ME: I buy my fuel there.

ANDY: You do?

ME: It’s cheaper.

ANDY: Oh.

ME: Is that a problem?

ANDY: Not at all. So you definitely live in the UK?

ME: Yes.

ANDY: Would you mind if I put you on hold while I see what I can do for you.

[MBNA really, REALLY need to change their hold music]

ANDY: All done. That will be credited to your account in your next statement. Odd thing that really. I’ve not seen that before.

ME: Um, no, I suppose not. Thank you for your time.

ANDY: Not at all. Thank you.

I have never been such a unionist in all my life. While UK credit cards avoid extra taxes I’m glad to maintain the old union… unless Irish companies have more imaginative hold music of course.

my ideal woman

Finally I have found my ideal woman. Reading the media section of today’s Independent I couldn’t get over how the BBC’s Kate Silverton checked practically all my boxes.For those who haven’t had the pleasure, Silverton is a presenter on BBC News 24, although I think the first time I saw her was during a report on Panorama. I can’t remember what the topic was (something about Babies I think) but I do remember thinking that she had great taste in eye wear when I next saw her reading the news.

Today Kate was the subject of ‘My Life in the Media’ and I learned that she read The Daily Mail as a teenager because her parents bought it – so did I, so did mine. She now reads The Independent – ditto – as well as dipping into The Sun, The Mirror, The Guardian – there are two of us! It turns out that she loves listening to Rhod Sharp on Up All Night – by far the best night show and by far the best night time presenter in my opinion. Although I get the impression that while I’m falling asleep listening to Rhod interview some rather odd New York cabbie she is waking up to him.

It seems Radios 4 and 5 pervade her daily life – enough for me to consider a proposal of marriage on its own. And she does a load of work for charity; she lists building schools in Africa as something she would like to do if she wasn’t involved in the media – obviously a thoroughly pleasant woman.

I have to tell you Kate has set a new standard in my search for the ideal partner – although her taste in blue/green outfits is definitely causing me concern.

back in my day women knew their place

Congratulations to Jacqui Oatley for becoming the first female commentator in British televised football history today. And a mighty fine job she did of it too. A little nervous at times I felt but that was understandable.What wasn’t understandable is the national debate the whole event spawned. I was aghast at some of the comments respected pundits were making. People I used to respect were coming out with some prehistoric comments that did nothing to protect the image of the game. It simply made them look like a bunch of dinosaurs.

The Earth didn't shift on its axis last night. Match of the Day went on air at 10.30pm and Manchester United's draw with Middlesbrough led the programme. Gary Lineker, Alan Shearer and Lee Dixon presented and discussed the issues, closing titles were run before midnight and everyone went home. Somewhere in there, a woman commentated on a football match on BBC 1. In and around that, a few people lost their sense of perspective.
Niall Sloane - BBC Head of Football

Jimmy Greaves, Dave Bassett et al let themselves down a bagful with their paranoid rants. I can only imagine that they are scared that women will take over the world and imprison us non-females in underground caves. Although it has to be said that some of their comments belong more in caveman drawings than modern football.

"Commentary is different. You must have an understanding of the game and thetactics, and I think in order to do that you need to have played the game."

Dave Bassett

Arguments that only ex footballers understand the game enough to commentate on it effectively can be rejected on two counts. One – some of the best male commentators never played the game competitively. And two – Oatley is an ex footballer. She played the game until a knee injury forced her to retire and take up reporting.

It is an insult to the controlled commentaries of John Motson, Mike Ingham and Alan Green that their domain is threatened by a new arrival whose excited voice sounds like a fire siren.
Steve Curry - Sportsmail football writer

As for the idea that women don’t have the correct voice for football commentary- well I have two words for that – Jonathan and Greening. Here we have a highly respected commentator who is praised for his calling of soccer matches. The only problem I have with the man is that whenever the ball enters either penalty area only dogs can actually make out what he’s saying. Oh it’s great for conveying excitement but not so great for actually following a game. Please please please never let that man near radio commentary or we’ll all be in the dark.

I love football – I’m a great admirer of BBC commentary – I love Alan Green, Mike Ingham and I have been very impressed by Jacqui Oakley’s commentaries on Radio 5. She is knowledgeable, always prepares well and is great at conveying what is happening on the pitch. The only problem she faces is that she’s the first – and the first always has to clear the debris on their way through.

i'm shocked! inaccuracies in the press?

They let me down a bagful. There you are thinking that, in this unstable world, at least we have the rock that is the tabloid press. When BANG - your illusions are shattered like that guiness glass you tried to smuggle out of an irish bar when you were a student - only to forget where the curb began.

Anyone reading today's copy of the Sun will undoubtedly know what I'm talking about. More specifically anyone reading Victoria Newton's Bizarre column. There we can find out how Daniel Radcliffe looks when he's drunk, how Wayne Rooney's cousin has recorded a song devoted to Man United in the FA Cup final, and we can find out all about Nadine Coyne's latest love tribulations. It seems her partner was spotted holding hands with another woman and Nadine is none too pleased about it.

Just how do the papers find out about this stuff - oh look, a quote from "a close friend"

Cheating is something Nadine will definitely not stand for... She has been working really hard with the other girls in England while he is swanning about in LA... If she thinks he has been cheating on her with another girl there will be all hell to pay... She loves him but she's not going to let him take her for granted. She's a fiesty Dublin girl who will not stand for it."

Fascinating stuff - but if this "close friend" is so "close" how come they don't know that Nadine is from Derry, not Dublin... hmmm. Honestly, if you can't trust the Sun who can you trust?

can something good come out of something bad?

As more and more information appears about the shooting at Virginia Tech University reactions to the tragedy have been predictable. Students who knew Cho Seung-Hui told of how he was a loner, they thought he may suffer from insanity - a description borne out by the subsequent reports that he had a history of mental illness and was committed for treatment in 2005 and the bizarre videos he made leading up to the attack. How often are the people who carry out atrocities such as this referred to anything other than quiet and withdrawn. When was the last time you heard of a mass murderer who was the life and soul of the party? There are of course accusations being thrown around that his history should have acted as a warning - but who could honestly have predicted what he was to do.

That's crazy. He kills two people and then goes to the post office and then he's ready for round two? It's creepy... He just goes on and on - that's got to be more than he's spoken, ever. I thought, 'well, he does talk.'

Fellow student Nick Jeremiah when shown clips from the video.

On this side of the Atlantic blame is being firmly put on the gun culture that exists in the states. It has been suggested that we haven't seen anything like this since 1996 when a massacre in a primary school in Dunblane led to stricter gun control. Back then Thomas Hamilton, a scout leader, walked into the school with four handguns and killed sixteen children and a teacher. The guns were all owned by him legally and under licence. Shortly afterwards a law was passed banning handguns.

We may not have had a similar atrocity since the 90s but I really think we need to avoid the 'could only happened in the US' cliches that are being thrown around at the moment. We should remember that not too long ago there were news reports about a number of stabbings in schools (one no more than ten miles from where I live.) We seem to have forgotten the frightening statistics about the number of pupils who bring knives to school. Yesterday morning I listened to an oddly lighthearted radio interview about a company that is selling Slash-proof hoodies, lined with Kevlar. A spokesman for the company told of how at least one high school was interested in a version being incorporated into their school uniform. Still, it could only happen in England.

"There is a real feeling among kids that the streets are not safe," said Barry Samms of Essex-based firm Bladerunner. "If we can make it trendy to protect yourself then we're doing something to help."

Except it doesn't - stories like it are appearing all over. And it's not just a recent thing either. If my memory serves there was talk of staff at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast having to wear stab proof vests while they were at work. Teachers are constantly being warned to be vigilant as story after story comes through about personal attacks by pupils. It's a scary world out there. And yet I can honestly say that I have never feared form my personal safety in any situation (thus far.) These are frightening stories but the fact that they still shock us goes to show they we haven't become completely desensitised - yet.

If this latest atrocity leads to changes in the US attitude towards guns then that would be wonderful and something good will have come out of something terrible. If the stories of knife crime in English schools leads to action being taken to diffuse the situation - terrific. In the meantime I'll keep looking for Kevlar suits in my size.

cup of tea anyone - i'll put the kettle on.

And so it begins - and so immediately I go into automatic maximum level procrastiantion mode with deflectors at full. I hate this time of year. This is the time of year when I begin applying for jobs. I hate applying for jobs.

The reasons why I need to apply for jobs annually are complicated so I won't bore you with them. This year it is even more important - yet still I sit typing a blog instead of a CV. I have two application forms sitting very neatly in a yellow folder along with practise sheets and relevent information - colour coded of course. I could have filled them in at any point during my Easter break - I could have filled them in during the weekend - I could have; but instead I have an incredibly tidy room, a shiney car and a computer which has been spring cleaned, defragmanted, updated, virus scanned and disk checked within an inch of its life. The keys are spotless but I have yet to use them to type up the forms.

Why is it that we are so reluctant to do the things that actually matter - or is it just me? Does anybody else find making choices that will actually affect their future incredibly difficult? Am I the only person who prefers cleaning toilets to updating resumes and CVs?

I keep thinking to myself that I'm waiting until I have a clear mind, that I will begin as soon as I am in the right mood. But, lets face the truth, the very act of thinking about the application forms is clouding my mind and putting me in the wrong mood. I will never be in the right mood to fill in forms describing my academic status and employability. Still, the deadline isn't for a week and I always end up getting it done eventually - It's just a bit of procrastination and that's not hurting anyone, is it?

Well according to the Counselling Services at the University at Buffalo it can be very damaging. They claim that procrastination...
can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, depression and self-doubt... Procrastination has a high potential for painful consequences.

So now I'm feeling guilty, inadequate, depressed, self doubting... and scared.

Thankfully they have a checklist to help me out (I thought they might)
· Recognize self-defeating problems such as; fear and anxiety, difficulty concentrating, poor time management, indecisiveness and perfectionism.
· Identify your own goals, strengths and weaknesses, values and priorities. Compare your actions with the values you feel you have. Are your values consistent with your actions?
· Discipline yourself to use time wisely: Set priorities.
· Work in small blocks instead of long time periods. For example, you will accomplish more if you work in 60 minute blocks and take frequent 10 minute breaks in between, than if you work for 2-3 hours straight, with no breaks. Reward yourself after you complete a task.
· Motivate yourself to work: Dwell on success, not on failure. Try to work in small groups. Break large assignments into small tasks. Keep a reminder schedule and checklist.
· Set realistic goals.
· Modify your environment: Eliminate or minimize noise/ distraction. Ensure adequate lighting. Have necessary equipment at hand. Don't waste time going back and forth to get things. Don't get too comfortable when studying. A desk and straight-backed chair is usually best (a bed is no place to study). Be neat! Take a few minutes to straighten your desk. This can help to reduce day-dreaming.

So now I'm all up for it and raring to go. I'm closing up now to go and fill in some forms - well, as soon as I've got over the irony of procrastinating by writing a blog on the dangers of procrastination... and made myself a cup of tea... and filled in some education reviews... and double checked my timetable for this term... and changed the yellow file for a green one...