out of ten

I love marking exam papers – I really do. Sure it takes up far too much of my life at this time of year, and sleepless nights really start to hurt when you get to my age,

But

If I were to give a single reason right now, if you were to ask why I am teacher, if you pressure me and hold my arm tight behind my back right this instant, if you beg me to give you just one single explanation… I would say that the reason I teach is to be able to read some of the incredible things pupils write when they don’t know the answer to an exam question.

The best examples are the ones where the pupil has a genuine guess. Ironically when a someone is trying to be funny in an exam they rarely are. The genuine shots in the dark are the comedy gems that make me a rich man.

As a history teacher I used to love reading all the amazing reasons why the Germans lost the first world war. I also loved it when they got their bands mixed up and explained that Kasabian started the war by being shot. Ah, the best war comedy since Dad’s Army.

This year I am an English teacher. An English teacher with a range of names it seems. On the front of the papers I was called everything from Mr Cambelle, to Camble, to Cambpell, to Cambell, to Cabell, to Miss Scott (I have to have a quiet word with that particular pupil)

In the year eight writing task they were required to write a letter to a friend relating their first year at the school to a friend. I always think tasks like this are risky – you’re leaving yourself open to a world of criticism if you ask a pupil to express opinions about the school. Some of them don’t even mean half the scorn they spew.

Still, it also leads to much amusement. Most of which I can’t relate here without leaving myself at the mercy of libel laws. I can share a few of the comments pupils made about me in their essays:

I like all my teachers, specially Mr Cambelle. He is funny sometimes but you need to get him in a funny mood.

My English teacher is Mr Campbell. He’s funny but sometimes cross. He’s REALLY tall.

Mr Campbell is way bigger than me.

Some of the rest were less complimentary – did they not think I’d be reading them. It’s really given me an insight into how the average twelve year old sees me. I had no idea I had such mood swings, I had no idea I was seen as some sort of giant and I had no idea that I was being funny – I gotta work on that one.