when am I not the best me I can be?

Sorry I disappeared for a while there. Based on previous experience you'd be forgiven for thinking it was due to incompetence or attention seeking - but not this time, I promise. "He's hit the wrong button again" I imagine you sighed when you arrived only to be confronted with a password protected notice. But no. For once it was deliberate. Let me explain.

One day I was teaching merrily away in class when someone quoted a blog entry I had written a week or so before. It turns out that some of my pupils had stumbled upon my blog. Now to be honest it's not a big deal - these are a nice bunch of kids who, while they may enjoy the odd giggle at my expense, have their heads and hearts in the right place. But at the same time I did stop and think. I'm not actually that keen on the idea of pupils in general reading my daily (or not so daily) frustrations with the education system, perusements on modern life and the persuit of happiness. I don't mind people knwing my personal opinions but I'm not too sure how I'd feel if my photocopier incident or the parent-in-the-supermarket thing became the subject of a piece of GCSE creative writing.

So I thought I'd lose ToaSNT for a while; safe in the knowledge that young people under 23 have a ridiculously short attention span and will have forgotten all about it by now. I guess we'll find out how valid this theory is soon enough

Anyway, I have to admit that I was actually a little put out. Not that they'd stumbled on the blog - but that they'd had to stumble upon it. How hard is it to find? Despite the fact that at 6'5" I am hardly the most elusive figure on the planet it appears that, in some ways, I am virtually invisible. They found me, not through my own blog, but through a link from someone else's. I'm trying not to take offense at the fact that Google clearly feels other people do a better job of me than I do. Apparently I am less relevent to me than I had been led to believe previously.

So I did a spot of research. You'll find me okay if you search for a "foot vasecomy" - despite the fact that I know not what they are. If you're looking to find a picture of Sammy Winward rolling about in a bed of daffodils sans clothing you'll possibly happen upon ToaSNT - despite the fact that the photo is nowhere to be seen in these pages. But if you actually go searching for me - well, you'll find a lot of stuff, but you'll be looking a long time before you actually see anything that pertains to me.

Now, as it turns out, I am enough of a narcissist to be troubled by this, but not enough of a narcissist to pay for google to make it better. I want the world to love me, to bow before my greatness - I'm just not sure whether I can be bothered to put in the effort to become great. Is it wrong to want to be admired for my existence rather than my achievement? It is? Oh.

Well, then, my loyal bunch of procrastinators (and those of you searching in vain for nudity and daffodils) I'll leave you with an expression of my gratitude - by reading my words you make me real - but if you happen to spot any of my pupils hanging around - you haven't seen me, ok?