inanimate conversations

I had an interesting conversation last night. It was a conversation between two people – it was going strong before I joined, it was going strong while I was a part of it, it was going strong after I left, and all the time it was a duologue.

Confused?

I had popped down to the Co-op in Ballycastle to pick up a gift for the school caretakers and the rain was bucketing down. The car park was empty except for myself and a cyclist in a bright yellow waterproof cape thing. He was deep in conversation with someone but that person wasn’t immediately apparent. As I approached he looked up from his bike lock and directed his conversation to me:

“…coming over, no more than five miles. I mean what kind of a situation is that? Who do you think is to blame? I couldn’t believe it but it doesn’t matter. I got soaked. Would you look at this rain. I’m completely soaked. And this thing doesn’t do much to keep the rain out. It’s a terrible day. They say it’s some weather system from the other side of the Atlantic that causing it. Some hurricane or other.”

“Hurricane Gordon?”

“Aye, something like that.” Well at least I knew I was playing a part in the conversation. “It’s been like this all day. I didn’t know whether to do my shopping or not but I had to take the chance eventually. I mean it may never stop, may it?”

“Well, I doubt…”

“Imagine that, huh? Rain forever. I wouldn’t mind so much if that were the case, you’d expect to get wet then. I think they should invent some kind of covered bike. Perhaps even one with…”

“Four wheels and an engine? They have, it’s called a…”

“I’ll have to get changed as soon as I get home you know. Soaked through. It’s a lot easier getting wet than it is getting dry you know. This jacket is ringing. I’ll leave it by the radiator and maybe it’ll be dry by the morning. I’ll need it in the morning. There’s a change in the weather you know. You can’t be going out without a coat like you could a week or two ago…”

As I walked off the conversation continued without a break. He chatted to his bike lock, he chatted to the loaves of bread, he chatted to fair trade chocolate, he chatted to the stella artois (though these Belgian beers don’t speak much English – they probably didn’t understand a word he said.) He chatted to the checkout assistant. And as I walked back past his bike towards my car he chatted with me again:

“…getting darker. I don’t think it’s going to let up anytime soon. It’ll rain right through the night you know. Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow but I can’t see this rain stopping any time soon. I’m soaked you know, this thing hasn’t…”

“Do you know you have made my day? I have had a blast chatting with you. Don’t ever change you ability to talk to anyone. It’s people like you who make this area one of the friendliest parts of the world. Safe home.”

“Oh”

There was silence. I loaded up my car and drove off. As I looked in my rear view mirror I could see him in the distance as an advertising hoarding started up a conversation with him.