those poor welsh

There are stirrings among the people, unrest in the streets, the people are dividing into two, and conflict seems inevitable. We have until November 20th to sort this mess out or all hell will break loose. It appears that some people are no longer happy with the mythology-ridden George as the patron saint of England.

They say he wasn’t even English, that he gained his considerable wealth through fraud, that he was as mean as a mean thing, and that as Archbishop of Alexandria he was so hated by his people that when he fell from grace and was incarcerated they stormed the prison, dragged him out, murdered him and threw his remains into the sea. And not a single mention of a dragon anywhere the Welsh will be relieved to know.)

These Anglo-Saxon rebels want St Edmund put in the place of George. They claim the whole George thing was nothing more than Normandic propaganda (those damned French are usually to blame)

St Edmund (the Martyr) was an Anglo-Saxon king round the middle of the century – the ninth century that is. He battled hard against the Danes (those damned Danes are usually to blame) but lost. Legend has it that he actually threw away his weapons wanting to imitate Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was arrested, tortured, tied up and used as a target for javelin throwing practice. Legend has it that the whole time, as he became a human porcupine, he refused to deny Christ. They had to behead him in the end.

Sounds great – lets change now. Except I can’t really see it happening. People just couldn’t be bothered. It seems a lot of hassle to change after we’d got used to the old guy. The English don’t really do much to celebrate their Saints anyway. And is Edmund really that much better than George?

His history, too, relies on legend and mythology (even if it is slightly more realistic that fighting dragons.) He, it appears, isn’t actually English either – He’s German (Like our current Monarchs), born in Nuremberg (which explains his love of motor racing). And, unfortunately, the Welsh don’t come out any better. Edmund’s flag is a white dragon on a red background (which, let’s face it, would really mess up the Union Jack) symbolising the English Dragon which did battle with the Celtic Dragon (The red dragon – seen on the Welsh flag) fairly constantly.

So, let battle commence – but please have it sorted by November 20th (St Edmund’s day) so the English know which days they are supposed to do nothing to celebrate their Patron Saint as usual.